Mid-Week Check UP

How are we doing?

I finally made it out on Monday afternoon to take a one mile walk; that is a first in months.  It felt great to be out in the sunshine and warmth and to allow my legs to generate energy that made its way to my brain which helped to clear out the mental fog.  And in those moments I think,  “Okay, this feels normal, I feel “normal”.  I am on my way to being out of the pit and on with life.”  And then it can be three seconds later, the next morning or afternoon, and the weight descends once again.  “Where did the Light go?!”  “What did I do wrong to be back in this dark place?”

There are so many facets to this depression thing:
-people see us as lepers, not to be touched,  better ignore the situation
-there are no hard and fast answers
-why can’t we just “choose” to be happy
-body needs to move for health; absolutely no energy in the legs
-being productive is so vital to moving forward, but when the mind and body are not working it is an impossibility.
-please feel free to add to this list; what you have experienced

So I ask you, my friends, how do we keep moving forward.  What do we do when we have a good moment and then are thrown back into the darkness?

What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that those of us suffering with depression/anxiety need a community of support.  Those who will walk along side us no matter how ugly it may get; they love us more than  they fear the disease.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself. ‘I lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along,’  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt

So what fears are you staring down?  How can we help you defeat that monster?

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
-Martin Luther King Jr.

I am cheering for all of us to take that first step…..and then the next!

Stepping Out in Faith,

Depression: The Journey

The journey I have been on in these past weeks is one that is completely new to me and one that I do not wish upon anyone.  The most difficult times in my life previously do not come close to comparing in intensity to what I have been walking through.

Depression is a creature that no one understances until the creature takes hold of you.   I have been depressed hundreds of times in my life but being depressed is no relation to depression.  Depression moves in and wrecks havoc on the mind, body and spirit.  There is not a motivational message in the world that will turn depression on its heels and make it flee.  Depression is a deep, dark pit that one cannot crawl out of alone.

I have had times of feeling completely alone, abandoned, rejected; as if I have a disease that others were afraid of catching so they kept away from me.  I am learning just how little of the population understands depression or are comfortable walking with someone who is in depression.   My eyes have been forced open to the horrors of depression and I will forever have compassion for anyone battling this devastating beast.  I am also learning that I cannot fault others for not being able to understand and to be grateful for support that is given.

Through this dark, black time I have been blessed with support from people that I never would have thought would be the strength when I had none.  My son jumped into action and found me the most amazing therapist; he also dropped everything to come be with me while suicide seemed in my mind to be the only answer.  No child should have to watch their parent be in the state that I was in; but he chose my need over his own.  My sister has watched over me like a mother hen; ready to defend and protect me.  I had a long period of time where eating and drinking were just too much effort.  The simple thought of getting off of the couch and getting a drink of water from the kitchen faucet was just too much.  She would put water right in front of me and cook food and bring it to me.  She called my doctor, therapist, anyone she could think of to try and find help/solutions for me.   I lost weight and got very weak and I know it was very scary for her to have to watch me, but she did not give up.  I have a naturopath doctor and a massage therapist, and therapist who have been an amazing team of support for me.  Their professional knowledge has been invaluable but their continuous and unguarded support has been a blessing beyond words.  And I have had someone who I barely knew before all of this, be a daily source of comfort, support and strength.

If you are fighting the ugly monster of depression, I want you to know that you are not alone.  There are people who get it, who understand.  Feel free to share here.  I cannot promise to have answers, but I do promise to try and understand and listen.  Together, in community, is how the ugly depression monster is defeated.  No one should have to battle alone.


Come to Me


Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.


Good Morning Friends,

Today was the first morning in many months that the Lord stirred me from slumber so that I would recognize that He had put a scripture upon my heart. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”  Repeating over and over again in my head until I knew I had to get up and listen for what the Lord was sharing with me.

I had an amazing childhood.  Grew up in a small midwest town, in a stable home where dad worked outside the home and mom stayed home with us kids.  We were not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination but I always felt secure.  I grew up in a little bit of “Leave It to Beaver” heaven, for those of us who are old enough to remember that TV show.


Life was good.  I walked to elementary school.  Played outside in the summer until I either had to go home to eat or good to bed.  Knew I had to behave no matter where I was because all of the neighborhood parents had authority over us kids.  Rode bikes, played hide and seek,  used our imaginations constantly, and lived really not fearing anything.

And then I grew up………heavy sigh.  Responsibilities, bills, children, laundry, pets, house, and on and on the list goes.

If you will notice in the picture above, all of the adults are looking at the camera like we are suppose to do when we are getting our picture taken.  I am the only one looking away from the camera and looking at my parents.  The awful thing about being an adult is that we have to be a grown up!  A child, one in a stable life, can be just that….a child.  As a child my source of security, comfort, support, provision was my parents and I looked to them when I needed anything and the world had no issue with my dependency because I was a child.  As an adult the messages from the world are: be independent, stand on your own two feet, look to no one for anything, be strong and those messages can create a very lonely and cold place to exist.


Jesus reaches out His hand to us and calls us from the demands of an adult world to the security of a stable family.  I like that.  I like that I can stop being the “strong one” and fall apart in His arms.  I like that I can tell our Lord that, “the kids are being mean to me” and His eyes of love shine bright as He looks into my face and loves me beyond measure.  I like that with Jesus I can stop looking at the camera and I can look at Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”