I really have no words but I need to write. This has been the most devastating few months I have ever lived. Every time it seems as though there may be a light at the end of the tunnel, another cave in occurred.
My body does not tolerate medications well at all. Every anti-anxiety or anti-depressant I was prescribed had serious side effects for me. The withdrawals from Ativan were extreme. I have complete compassion for anyone trying to get off of a chemical addiction and extreme admiration for those who have gotten clean and have stayed clean. My body is worn thin from difficult circumstances and the side of effects of the drugs and withdrawals.
I have always been able to keep busy when life became difficult but now the muscle weakness is such that my arms and legs feel like jello. For those who have been in this same place and made it through, what did you do?
When I pray I hear affirmations from the Lord:
Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I think about Job, David, and Joseph who was sold into slavery by his own brothers. I try to be encouraged. How did they do it? How did they keep it together when all about them was darkness and difficulty? I relate the most to David, I think, because he majorly screwed up but God redeemed David’s life. God said that David was a man after His own heart.
“After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’” Acts 13:22
At this point in my life, I have found that I am without answers and don’t even have a whole lot of questions, just want to be whole and well. If you have walked a dark road similar to the one have been on and have made it to the light, I would love to hear how you have made that journey. I would be so encouraged by any sharing that occurs through this site.