I really have no words but I need to write.  This has been the most devastating few months I have ever lived.  Every time it seems as though there may be a light at the end of the tunnel, another cave in occurred.

My body does not tolerate medications well at all.  Every anti-anxiety or anti-depressant I was prescribed had serious side effects for me.  The withdrawals from Ativan were extreme.  I have complete compassion for anyone trying to get off of a chemical addiction and extreme admiration for those who have gotten clean and have stayed clean.  My body is worn thin from difficult circumstances and the side of effects of the drugs and withdrawals.

I have always been able to keep busy when life became difficult but now the muscle weakness is such that my arms and legs feel like jello.  For those who have been in this same place and made it through, what did you do?

When I pray I hear affirmations from the Lord:

Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I think about Job, David,  and Joseph who was sold into slavery by his own brothers.  I try to be encouraged.  How did they do it?  How did they keep it together when all about them was darkness and difficulty?  I relate the most to David, I think, because he majorly screwed up but God redeemed David’s life.  God said that David was a man after His own heart.

“After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’”  Acts 13:22

At this point in my life, I have found that I am without answers and don’t even have a whole lot of questions, just want to be whole and well.  If you have walked a dark road similar to the one have been on and have made it to the light, I would love to hear how you have made that journey.  I would be so encouraged by any sharing that occurs through this site.





Psalm 93:3-4

The seas have lifted up, Lord,
    the seas have lifted up their voice;
    the seas have lifted up their pounding waves.
 Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,
    mightier than the breakers of the sea—
    the Lord on high is mighty.

I stood by the ocean one day many years ago while the waves broke over the retaining wall.  It was loud.  It was wild.  It was amazing.  It was raw power.  I could feel the movement of the ocean pound against my chest as I stood on shore.  The careening water sprayed all over me.  The beat of the waves seemed to pulsate in my own veins.  My head was so full of the sound and action of the ocean that there was not room for much else.  I was captivated and mesmerized by the force and majesty.  I could feel, see, smell, taste and hear God.

Prayer the power that breaks over the retaining wall.  Prayer the force that moves life.  Prayer the sound that drowns out all else.  Prayer that beating in our veins that saves, restores and heals.

There are times when prayer needs to rise up and be heard.  Needs to force and pulse and move.  Needs to shake and dance and fly.  My world, my life right now must have that prayer that thunders and lifts up its voice.  God has called me and others to pray life, to pray restoration, to pray health and healing; to pray for destruction of the dark and birth to penetrating light.  This is not the prayer that sits quietly in the chair and waits.  This prayer shouts, explodes, declares, stands firm, is without waver.

God, I declare You as restorer.  I declare You as healer.  I thunder with the voice of one who knows Your might and power and majesty.  You ARE mighty to SAVE!

Amen and Amen!


Lonely Places


Luke 5: 12-15

12 While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

13 Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the leprosy left him.

14 Then Jesus ordered him, “Don’t tell anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for your cleansing, as a testimony to them.”

15 Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. 16 But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.


Lonely places are needed in life; places where we get grounded once again.  Lonely places give room for refocusing and filtering the events of life.  Lonely places provide space to draw away from self and closer to the Lord.

Don’t get all crazy on me now, but have you ever wondered if Jesus dealt with ego issues?  Masses of people followed Him every where.  Jesus performed acts of healing and miraculous signs as had not been seen before.  Isn’t there a chance that it could have been a head rush now and then?  People in need, people groping for attention, people praising, people begging, people in awe, people celebrating…..unrelenting….constant.  Scripture tells us that Jesus knows our every human struggle; so it is not a stretch to think that He needed quiet time to regroup, refocus, get priorities in order.

Not only did Jesus withdraw to a lonely place but He did so to pray.  Lonely places without prayer can be dangerous.  Lonely places with prayer are transforming.

Bless Your Heart,


Because He Said So


Luke 5:4-5

When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish.”  “Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.”

This morning these verses speak to me of the, sometimes, very hard work of being a Christian.

As I have mentioned, our church is going through difficulty after difficulty.  Sure the facility needs constant repair but that is small potatoes compared to the lives being threatened by cancer, heart ailments, depression, poverty, abuse and on and on the list seems to go.  We pray and pray and believe….and then more bad news, more pain, more grief, more hardship.  We work, work, work (pray, pray, pray) but our nets continue to come up empty.

I can so relate to Peter in this story from Luke.  He and his fellow fishermen had worked all day.  They were tired, worn, possibly disheartened.  All each of them wanted was a good meal and rest.  Their combined skills as seasoned fishermen had earned them bupkis, nada, zip, zilch.  And now this Jesus wants them to go out on the lake again, and not just anywhere but in the deep water where turbulence is greater.  Jeez!

Great turbulence, I know so many, too many, that are experiencing great turbulence…..they are in deep water, they have worked long and hard with nothing to show for it.  And Jesus calls them to go out again and again and again.

What blows me away by this passage of scripture is that once Jesus tells the fisherman to go out again, this time in the deep water,…..they go….without complaining.  NO complaining…not a peep!  Man, oh man, I cannot say that about myself!  Maybe that is part of the message; maybe lack of complaint reveals a great amount of trust.  Trust in the One who calls us out into the deep waters filled with cancer, heart disease, pain, grief, loneliness………….  Because He said so.  Whether our nets return empty or full, it seems as though we should go simply because Jesus the Christ told us to go.  The end result is not the contents of the nets but the contents of our hearts, spirits, minds.


The Son

sunshine rays

“The Son is the radiance of God’s glory…..”

Hebrews 1:3

Wow!  Awesome!  Gives me chills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What an incredible message for a Monday morning.  Make this verse your prayer for the entire day.  Just keep repeating it over and over and let’s see what this Monday will bring.

Loving His Radiance,


Ernest Prayer


Genesis 19:1-3

The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. When he saw them, he got up to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground.  “My lords,” he said, “please turn aside to your servant’s house. You can wash your feet and spend the night and then go on your way early in the morning.”  “No,” they answered, “we will spend the night in the square.”  But he insisted so strongly that they did go with him and entered his house.

Lot, a human like you and me, through persistence changed the mind of two of our Lord’s angels.  Never falter in prayer for what you know to be right and just and true and pure.