Gratitude

We are energy.  All that exists is energy.  Everything, everybody has a frequency.  It is why there are sounds that please us and sounds that disturb us; it has to do with the frequency.  Several months back I experienced a process where tuning forks of varying sizes where activated and placed on multiple points on my body.  It was wild; the effect of these tuning forks, frequencies.  There was a feeling, an awareness of coming into balance; of all irritation being stilled.  If someone had told me about this process and what it does, I would have laughed internally and changed the subject, but “the proof is in the pudding.”

Positive thoughts and emotions emit a certain frequency.  Negative thoughts and emotions emit a different frequency from positive.  We emit “vibes.”  Negative is attracted to negative, positive to positive.

It is super, ridiculously cold here.  I leave the house way before the sun rises for work each weekday morning.  On Monday of this week, I got into my freezing cold car and started up the engine.  My little car whined but started; poor thing was freezing cold after all.  I had a hood pulled over my head to keep as much of my body heat from escaping as possible.  With my hood up my peripheral vision was compromised  and I got the driver’s side of my car much too close to the garage door frame.  A terrible sound came next.  Got out of my car and there on the ground laid the cover for over my wheel well.  I was not a happy camper at that moment.  Picked up the fender and put it inside the garage.  Got back in my car thinking, “Great, this is going to be a fabulous day!”, said with total negativity.  Then I stopped myself and decided to stop that negative thought and replace it with gratitude.  I began listing all that I am grateful for and the turmoil (frequency) that was brewing inside of me stopped/changed and I came to a place of peace.  The rest of my day I was peaceful and nothing else bad/negative happened.  What if I had not chosen to stop my negative thoughts after the car incident?  Want to take a guess at what my day may have looked like then?  I would imagine that negative would have attracted more negative and it would not have been a particularly pleasant day.

We have a brand new year just a day away.  How about taking gratitude into 2018?  How about 2018 being a year of gratitude?  Wake each morning with the words, “Thank you”.  As you get ready for each day, think or say out loud, those things/people/events for which you are grateful.  I promise you that gratitude will create in each of us a frequency that emits peace and wholeness and attracts all that is positive into our lives.

2017 was the absolute worst year of my life but it has led me to 2018 which is to be the best year of my life.  Want to join me in gratitude?AF2F4974-AE5A-4FD4-B034-3A0623974FEA

Now What?

Destating trauma – check
In shock – check
Depression – check
Dark pit of despair – check
Grasping hold for life – check
Climbing out of the mind fog – check
Amazing therapist – check
Devoted family – check
Unexpected support – check
Extreme effort to claw out of the pit –  check
Increased good moments over bad – check

NOW WHAT?

When there is no way that life can ever be what it was before, how does one rebuild?  This “event” in my life has shown such an intense light in all of my life that there are no shadows for anything to hide within.  I now know truths about things that I had no idea were falsehoods.  It makes me want to run from everything and start all over again; somewhere new and fresh.  My entire life imploded and now that I am digging out of the rubble, I am not sure what to do.

I have been reading a lot from Brene’ Brown and watching her YouTube videos; she is amazing.  She is a researcher who has spent years studying shame and vulernabitily and through her research has found much wisdom.  If you do not know of her work, I highly suggest you check her out ASAP.  Bottom line, she concludes that all that is positive begins with loving our selves.  Not an easy concept for most of us.

So in this intense need to rebuild, find meaning, start fresh, RUN, I am trying to turn my attention to the task of learning to love myself; to be kind to me; to give myself the chance to breathe.  I am trying.  It is not easy.

Where are you in your journey?

Learning.
Kay

The Journey Continues

On a recent visit to my therapist she had me take a test that reveals the types and amount of stressors in my life.  There were about 43 questions and depending on the answer given there was a numerical value.  The chart topped out at 300; my stress level was well over 500.  Yep, it is amazing that I am just not puzzle pieces exploded all over the house.  God of grace in action for sure.  It is a severe roller coaster ride and I have NEVER liked roller coasters!

So what am I beginning to learn.  When anxiety raises its nasty head, I need to address it immediately and prevent it from escalating.  Once anxiety goes into panic anxiety the body chemistry is throw all out of whack and it depletes the body and then I am two, three, four steps backwards once again.  Depression/anxiety is such a slow, steep climb.  Please share with me your remedies for battling anxiety/depression.   Let’s open up that conversation.

I appreciate all that you have to say and share.  Let’s be that community that pulls together.

Joy and Peace,

Kay

Unconditional Love

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
    I fear no evil;
for you are with me;

Psalm 23:4

 

I have been walking, crawling, barely breathing through the valley of the shadow of death.  There are no words for the pain.  In the darkest, ugliest of times one learns if unconditional love truly exists.  I can tell you that it does exists but is, unfortunately, very rare.

No wonder so many people of this day and age want nothing to do with church or people who espouse to believe in a God of unconditional love and forgiveness.  So I get it, I understand.  For the first time in my 42 years of walking in the way of Jesus, I have seen how us “churchy” people are seen by the majority of the world.  So I would challenge all of us, myself included, to take a personal journey of honesty and examine unconditional love.  The urban dictionary defines unconditional love as:  “To love somebody with no conditions or circumstances: to love completely.”  NO CONDITIONS; does not matter what someone has said or done…..are we able to love that person?….Do we love that person?….Do we support and nurture that person?…Do we acknowledge that we have no idea what it is to walk in that person’s shoes?….Do we accept that we do not have all of the answers?  Unconditional love means that it is not about us but is about the one that we love.

In Gratitude for Life,

Kay

Thankful for the Stump

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Isaiah 6:11_13

“Until the cities lie ruined
    and without inhabitant,
until the houses are left deserted
    and the fields ruined and ravaged,
12 until the Lord has sent everyone far away
    and the land is utterly forsaken.
13 And though a tenth remains in the land,
    it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
    leave stumps when they are cut down,
    so the holy seed will be the stump in the land.”

Sure sounds quite devastating doesn’t it?  Mean, mean, nasty God……or is He?  Sometimes I wonder if God puts the blame upon Himself for the messes His willful children make.  Just like any good parent, God uses all circumstances as an object lesson; a teaching moment.  AND as all devoted parents do, He gives hope in the darkest of times.

I cannot speak for all of humanity but I can tell you from my own life that I have made some pretty terrible messes in my time.  I have lived in devastating times when all I sensed was destruction and despair.  I wandered the barren wasteland of my life  devoid of hope.  And then I come upon it; the little stump of what is left of my faith.  Though other conflicts try to overtake the stump, it continues to receive nourishment from its massive roots buried deep within the earth.  The roots of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit never give up.

I am so grateful for that stump in the wasteland that showed me hope is always available and a new unexpected life can spring forth from death and despair.

I realize this message may at first seem a little gloomy but I challenge you to allow the words of scripture to seep deeper into your being.  In this passage is light and hope so immense that our feet will not be able to stay quiet but dance for joy at the incredible love and commitment of God for His children….us; you and me…..His kids.

Grateful for the Stump,

Kay

Mother of Us All

Genesis 1:27

So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.

For those who know me and for those who have followed my blog for awhile you know that my friend and pastor went home to be with the Lord in September.  Keith, my pastor, was a wonderful, people loving man who had no issue with confronting issues/thoughts/comments that he did not agree with.  You did not have to agree with Keith, but he was sure going to share his thoughts on the matter.

I grudgingly came to be a member of the church where Keith preached, that story is a feature length blog in and of itself, but another time.  Keith was definitely a child of the 60’s; way more liberal than I.  So often I would sit in church and in my head would hear the teacher’s voice from the Peanuts’ cartoon, “wah, wah, wah.”  I would just think that Keith was in one of his “hippie” moods and would try to tune him out.

One of those moments would come at the end of each church service when Keith would give this benediction:

Now go in the peace of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit; One God Mother of us all.

For the first month or so I would cringe every time Keith said those words at the end of the service and I would think, “There is the hippie coming out in him again.”  As time passed and I was able to know Keith better, it was beyond obvious the depth of his love for God and Keith’s thankfulness to God for pulling him out of the pit and giving him life.  Instead of turning off my ears when Keith began to talk in ways very foreign to my way of faith thinking, I began to give him an opportunity to truly share his thoughts.  It was not an easy experience in many ways; growth is always painful.  I took the Bible out of the box that I had created for it and I allowed God’s Word to take wing and be free with my thoughts and emotions.  I began to see ways that I had never noticed before where I had judged when I thought that what I was doing was being faithful.  I began to take God out of the language and life that I was taught and let Him reveal to me His language and His desire for His children.  It is a journey in process and it still is not easy.

Over time our entire church came to love the benediction that Keith shared with us after every worship service.  We now spontaneously say it out loud together every Sunday.  No direction was ever given to say that benediction; it just became a part of who we are and it is now a piece of Keith left with us.

“One God Mother of us all.”  I challenge you to think outside of the box that has been our way for decades/centuries.  In Genesis, the very first Book in our Bible, God Himself declares that He created male and female in His own image.  God is Father and Mother of us all!

One God Mother of Us All……….Amen,

Kay

Leading the Way

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Some time has now passed since Mom’s death and it may be time to start sharing some of the amazing events and moments in her last days and hours with us.  I will never be able to say enough good things about Mom; she was an extraordinary woman….a fortitude beyond measure, a peace that enveloped all in her sphere.

Mom’s funeral was on a Wednesday.  It was a celebration of life lived and a faith that quietly moved mountains.  The next day was to be the internment.  A small contingent of our family gathered to travel to the grave site that Thursday morning; five of us in total.  We hopped in my sister’s car, stopped at the gas station to fill the car up and guess who begins to drive by us just as we were pulling out of the gas station lot?  I said, “Look!  There goes Mom, she is still leading the way.”  The funeral home vehicle carrying Mom to her final resting place pulled right in front of us as if the time, the moment had been orchestrated, choreographed.  So we followed; her family followed.

That moment grabbed me, I think it grabbed us all.

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!”  For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.  Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on  you will catch men.”  Luke 5:8-11

Part of what I felt in that drive to the cemetery was a pep talk from Mom.  “You guys can do this; don’t stop following the ways I have shown you, don’t be afraid.  What matters is loving the Lord and sharing Him in your life always.  Come on, let’s get me put to bed so you can move on.”  In real life, Mom would never have talked like that; those words are how I interrupt the moment.  Mom rarely taught through words; her life lived was the lesson taught.  But the encouragement and peace I felt in following her life to the very end was real.

Kinda like Easter, isn’t it?  I can hear Christ say, “Follow me to the grave and then life will really begin.”

Blessed is He,

Kay