Destating trauma – check
In shock – check
Depression – check
Dark pit of despair – check
Grasping hold for life – check
Climbing out of the mind fog – check
Amazing therapist – check
Devoted family – check
Unexpected support – check
Extreme effort to claw out of the pit – check
Increased good moments over bad – check
When there is no way that life can ever be what it was before, how does one rebuild? This “event” in my life has shown such an intense light in all of my life that there are no shadows for anything to hide within. I now know truths about things that I had no idea were falsehoods. It makes me want to run from everything and start all over again; somewhere new and fresh. My entire life imploded and now that I am digging out of the rubble, I am not sure what to do.
I have been reading a lot from Brene’ Brown and watching her YouTube videos; she is amazing. She is a researcher who has spent years studying shame and vulernabitily and through her research has found much wisdom. If you do not know of her work, I highly suggest you check her out ASAP. Bottom line, she concludes that all that is positive begins with loving our selves. Not an easy concept for most of us.
So in this intense need to rebuild, find meaning, start fresh, RUN, I am trying to turn my attention to the task of learning to love myself; to be kind to me; to give myself the chance to breathe. I am trying. It is not easy.
Where are you in your journey?
How are we doing?
I finally made it out on Monday afternoon to take a one mile walk; that is a first in months. It felt great to be out in the sunshine and warmth and to allow my legs to generate energy that made its way to my brain which helped to clear out the mental fog. And in those moments I think, “Okay, this feels normal, I feel “normal”. I am on my way to being out of the pit and on with life.” And then it can be three seconds later, the next morning or afternoon, and the weight descends once again. “Where did the Light go?!” “What did I do wrong to be back in this dark place?”
There are so many facets to this depression thing:
-people see us as lepers, not to be touched, better ignore the situation
-there are no hard and fast answers
-why can’t we just “choose” to be happy
-body needs to move for health; absolutely no energy in the legs
-being productive is so vital to moving forward, but when the mind and body are not working it is an impossibility.
-please feel free to add to this list; what you have experienced
So I ask you, my friends, how do we keep moving forward. What do we do when we have a good moment and then are thrown back into the darkness?
What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that those of us suffering with depression/anxiety need a community of support. Those who will walk along side us no matter how ugly it may get; they love us more than they fear the disease.
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself. ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along,’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
So what fears are you staring down? How can we help you defeat that monster?
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
I am cheering for all of us to take that first step…..and then the next!
Stepping Out in Faith,
On a recent visit to my therapist she had me take a test that reveals the types and amount of stressors in my life. There were about 43 questions and depending on the answer given there was a numerical value. The chart topped out at 300; my stress level was well over 500. Yep, it is amazing that I am just not puzzle pieces exploded all over the house. God of grace in action for sure. It is a severe roller coaster ride and I have NEVER liked roller coasters!
So what am I beginning to learn. When anxiety raises its nasty head, I need to address it immediately and prevent it from escalating. Once anxiety goes into panic anxiety the body chemistry is throw all out of whack and it depletes the body and then I am two, three, four steps backwards once again. Depression/anxiety is such a slow, steep climb. Please share with me your remedies for battling anxiety/depression. Let’s open up that conversation.
I appreciate all that you have to say and share. Let’s be that community that pulls together.
Joy and Peace,